DRAFT: Overrated Movies!

By: LD · September 26, 2008


That’s right, E promised you something big, and we’ve got it for you. This week, we’re picking films that where the common knowledge says “great”, but the well-informed geek says “pshh…that totally sucks more than Bossk.”

Without further ado, let’s tear down some sacred cows…

Betting on the ghost Black Sox still seems like a bad idea.

N8:
Field of Dreams (1989). “Baseball, Ray, baseball.” Baseball is boring enough when you have to watch it. But as a vague metaphor for something — loss of cultural or personal innocence? the inability of American dudes or fathers/sons to really talk to one another about anything? — I find it even more tiresome. It’s not that this story, sluggish though it is, is necessarily bad. The premise that dead baseball legends want to come to Kansas is weird enough to be somewhat interesting, though “interesting” on the level of “huh” interesting rather than “wow, that’s interesting!” About all this movie really has is a bit of fuzzy sentimentality that doesn’t hold up to much prodding, in part because the appearance of Ray’s father is a bit out of left-field, as it were. The cap to the movie doesn’t quite fit, and, on the whole, it’s a troublesome narrative that would serve better as a handbook for what auditory and visual schizophrenics ought NOT to do.

E: I fucking love Field of Dreams. You are so wrong, you have no idea.

LD: I love it too, but I can’t deny that N8’s perspective is fun. I mean, i’d love to see it as a sci-fi mystery…why is Ty Cobb beating up fans in a Kansas wheatfield?? Kansas Hookers: Can Babe Ruth satisfy them all?

Cursed us all with Erica Christensen.

E:
Traffic (2000) – it birthed the “hyperlink” movies shit that has spawned the snorefest Syriana, and the inexplicable Babel, this movie in concept, telling the story of illegal drug trafficking from every angle, with characters unknowingly connected, is both shallow in its execution and nonsensical in its message. Sure the performances are great, but thrown into a pot of pseudointellectual meaningfulness, it tries so hard to be not preachy, that it comes across as disaffected and totally pointless. Fuck this movie, and fuck everyone who sucks its cock (I’m looking at you Ebert). I fucking hate this movie, and this is coming from a huge Soderbergh fan.

N8: Not only is Traffic not a good movie, but it also falsely suggest that if you smoke pot once with your friends in the privacy of your home, you will soon be quasi-raped by a black drug dealer in exchange for a fix of heroine. The only the Topher Grace character says anything remotely critical of the drug war and that perspective is presented as only pseudointellectual babble (as E points out) and serves only as a weak foil to Michael Douglas’s “correct” world view that “drugs are bad, m’kay.”

Should’ve defeated Commodus by hitting him with a phone.

LD:
Gladiator (2000) – It’s not that Gladiator is a bad movie. It’s not. It’s that there’s a world of difference between a competently made, perfectly entertaining film and a truly great movie. Gladiator has a strong pedigree…Ridley Scott, a well above-average director and Russell Crowe, one of his generation’s finest actors and phone batterers, making a historical epic about a huge underdog? That’s a surefire hit. But, Gladiator is paper-thin film, and even as a piece of popcorn entertainment, is a bit sluggish. Also, Russell Crowe couldn’t play a Spaniard on his best day. So, why take this film as my first pick? Well, here are just some of the films ranked below it on IMDB’s list of the 250 Highest Ranked films: Groundhog Day, Die Hard, It Happened One Night, The Deer Hunter, Ben Hur, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Graduate, and Network. I rest my case.

Hoo-ha!

SN:
Scarface. Again, it’s not that Scarface is a bad movie, but is it really that good? Well no, no it’s not. Al Pacino plays a dumbshit who somehow manages to rise to the top of a crime syndicate through sheer lunacy and knee-jerk decisions. He must have a woman who’s a cold-hearted bitch and clearly doesn’t want anything to do with him. He doesn’t think twice about shooting his best friend. He pisses off a cartel leader who’s far more powerful than himself. It’s pretty much the story of an idiot who gets what he deserves after causing all kinds of irreperable harm. What is wrong with you, hip-hop community? Can’t you think of someone better to idolize? Or maybe a more entertaining movie to watch if you’re going to watch it every goddamn day? I, for one, would like to here more rappers bust rhymes about Citizen Kane or Sunset Boulevard. I’m looking at you, Mobb Deep.

LD: Man, do I ever hear that. Scarface is dull, dull, dull. I mean, outside of the implied incestuous desires. Ok, and the “Point your fuckin’ fingers and say ‘THAT’S the bad guy'” scene, but still. Three hours of tedium.

Better than Meet the Parents? We’ll let history decide.

Grimbil:
Hm, you guys seem to have taken the ones I was thinking. I’m going to go with Raging Bull, at the risk of people’s heads exploding. I was excited to see this movie, but by the end, I was excited that I was going to be done with it. I liked that it was a true story of Jake LaMotta, but other than that, it was utterly painful to watch. The fight seasons were not exciting at all, and since you hate Jake throughout the whole movie, there was really no joy in watching it. Too long, too boring, and no characters I really liked. Kudos for nice cinematography, but blah on the rest

E: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD TO ME

Do you not know that is my #1 favorite movie of all time? FUCK YOU. I OWN THREE COPIES OF THIS DVD (different eds).

DEAD.

TO.

ME.

*faints*

N8: Wow. I haven’t seen this movie. Maybe E needs to review it when his blood pressure goes back down.

And, thus concludes round 1, on something of a high note

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Comments

3 Responses to “DRAFT: Overrated Movies!”
  1. dj says:

    That Field of Dreams pick is just all kinds of wrong.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Fields of Dreams pick is spot on. it is truly even duller (and dumber) than actual baseball, which is quite a difficult achievement.

    but how anyone with a minimal appreciation of film could pick Raging Bull is beyond belief. if nothing more than a study of the art of film technique, it would be without a doubt one of the ten best films of the last 30 years. add to that the great script and the incredible performance of DeNiro, and it has to be on any list of the top 100 films of the 20th Century. i’m going to have to believe that choice was solely to instigate a flame war, and was not what you actually think. because if it wasn’t, Grimball, no one will ever take any comment you make about any film seriously again, so long as you live.

  3. Grimbil says:

    Ouch dude, never ever? Surely my upcoming 2001: A Space Odyssey comments will be taken seriously….

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