A Lesson in Love with Terrence Howard

By: E · February 7, 2009

[Terrence Howard is walking around the Warner Bros. lot, looking forlorn, searching for purpose in his life]

Terrence Howard: I’m on a mission for love, man. People be feelin’ my grooves, y’know what I mean? Fuck them Iron Man 2 haters, and the music haters, and them women who don’t clean they ass with baby wipes. They don’t get no love from me.

[pulls out acoustic guitar]

TH: [singing] nooo you don’t get no looove from meee….this is the loove economy……dooo dweee dooo yeaaaah yaaaaah

[opens door to studio 4 and peeks around inside]

TH: Yo, we got anyone who needs love in here?

Christian Bale: EXCUSE ME?!? ARE YOU STEPPING THROUGH MY SCENE?

TH: Ohhh shit, it’s dat Batdude. What’s up George Clooney.

CB: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

TH: Clooney, you need to relax a bit. Here, check this out. I’ll sing you a new single I been workin’ on, called “Panties Stimulus Package”

CB: WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL?! ARE YOU EVEN A PROFESSIONAL?!?

TH: [singing] ooohhh, we got a stimulus package, in yo panties……doo dweep dooooo, yeaaaah boowwwwwww

CB: I WANT YOU OFF THE FUCKING SET! JUST THINK FOR A SECOND! ARE YOU EVEN A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL??!

TH: ….Batdude. You need to chill, or somethin’.

CB: NO, DON’T SHUT ME UP! I WANT THIS FUCKER OFF THE SET. DO YOU SEE ME?!? WALKING AROUND? WITH MY DICK HANGING OUT?! PLAYING AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND SINGING ABOUT MY DICK?!

TH: Yo, Batdude. You just need some love in your heart. That’s how we connect in the universe.

McG: Um, Christian, we’re not even shooting right now. You’re just..eating lunch.

CB: DON’T SHUT ME UP, MCG. ARE YOU GONNA LET THIS FUCKER DO THIS?!? SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU GOING TO LET THIS IDIOT RUIN OUR MOVIE?!?

McG: Well, see, again…we’re not really filming.

CB: NO, DON’T SHUT ME UP. NO, WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

TH: [singing] dweee doooo dooop booop bop ziggity bow!

McG: Christian, really, it’s okay, we’re not even ready to start shooting this scene, I told you..

CB: NO! DON’T SHUT ME UP, MCG. NO! I WON’T STAND FOR THIS SHIT! ARE YOU FUCKING SEROUS? ARE WE FUCKING PROFESSIONALS HERE OR NOT?!?! ARE WE?!

[walks over to Terrence]

CB: YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU FUCK.

TH: [picking at the craft services table] Yo dawg, this pumpernickel be the bomb

CB: LISTEN TO ME, YOU FUCKER!

TH: [singing] pumpernickel, oh yeah, in yo paaanties!

[Christian Bale slaps Terrence Howard in the face]

TH:….oh hell naw, motherfucka.

CB: GET OFF MY FUCKING SET! NO, DON’T SHUT ME UP MCG!

McG: I…wasn’t saying anything, Christian.

TH: You done did it now, George.

CB: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! DID YOU JUST WALK THROUGH MY SCENE?

TH: That’s it….TRANSFORM *ROOOOOOAAAAAAR*

Lil’ T Rex: ROOOOAAAAAAAAAR

McG: Oh my god, everyone run!!!!!

CB: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!? OH, NOW YOU’RE A TYRANNOSAURUS REX?! ARE WE PROFESSIONALS HERE OR NOT?!?

TRex: [eats Christian Bale].  BUUUUUURPPP

In Memoriam:

Filed under: All,Movies,Tomfoolery

Comments

5 Responses to “A Lesson in Love with Terrence Howard”
  1. Banks says:

    Problems, E. You’ve got problems. Psychological problems. Big ones.

    But god are they funny problems.

  2. e-roc says:

    I completely forgot that TH was walking around playing guitar with his dick hanging out…

  3. DJ says:

    I don’t know what’s funnier: Howard calling Bale “George Clooney,” or “Li’l T-Rex.”

  4. SN says:

    Good work.

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