The Joaquin Phoenix Chronicles: An Old Friend Returns On the Most Unlikeliest of Nights!

Hugh Jackman: [singing] HOW I LONG TO BEEEEE…PAAAAAART OF THIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD [applause] THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT LADIES AND GENTS!

Joaquin Phoenix: This is…[scratches beard]….fuckin’ whatever.

[wanders backstage]

Joaquin Phoenix: ……… [chewing gum]

Ben Stiller: ……………

Frank Coraci: ………..

JP: ……………….

FC: …………..

BS: ………………

JP: [scratches beard]

BS:……[chewing gum]….

FC: …..[mumbles]

Terrence Howard: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRHHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO BEST PICTURE WINNER, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!

JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO! JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

TRex: [howling in pain] REAARRGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHG

The following children were eaten:

All proceeds from this post went to the Mumbai projects…..